Sunday, June 12, 2011

Demon Mouse, or A break from our regularly scheduled maternal angst

I know it's been a week since I last posted. I suck. But I was sick with bronchitis, and the copious amounts of albuterol I've been inhaling has killed a few million brain cells, and rendered me retarded.

And today, I don't bring you a woeful tale of motherhood, or a f-word riddled post about another Layla misadventure. In fact, this post has nothing to do with being a mother at all.

See, I have a mouse living in my bedroom walls. At least, that's what we ASSUME it is. For the past week, I have woken up in the middle of the night to the sound of chewing and scratching. In my sleep-deprived stupor, upon hearing this sound, my brain does not make the obvious and logical statement of: "Awww, a cute little mouse living in my walls. Hope it doesn't chew my shit up." It doesn't imagine an innocent little rodent, trying to free itself.

No, it immediately jumps to images of a demon mouse, fangs slathered in blood and the remains of its former victims, furiously trying to claw its way out of my wall so it can come and eat me alive.

I know it's not REALLY the Freddy Kruger of rodents living in my wall. But the fucking thing is so loud, my neurotic brain immediately imagines torture and death and maiming at the claws of a mutant mouse.

I'm perfectly stable, really.

So, my lovely and illustrious readers, I have a question for you. Would you like me to post MORE stories of random shit that goes on in my life/house/vagina (not really), or would you rather I stick to tales of Layla's destruction and other observations of cynical motherhood?

This certainly does not mean there will be no more posts making fun of my child. But having a random post everyone once in a while about something completely off-topic would be amusing, and my brain might cooperate more if I have a wider range of possible subjects. (That crack I smoked in the 90s is coming back to haunt me)

I'll most likely do whatever the fuck I want, no matter what you answer. But I may stop being an asshole long enough to consider your opinions. :D

**ETA: There shall be a part 2 to this story, because I totally forgot about what happened the other night. Ooooh! Suspenseful!


  1. I love random stories! You a wonderful humorist, which is the only reason I have kept you as a friend for the past 10 years. ;P
    And I am also sure that your intestines taste as delicious as your walls!

  2. considering this post was effing hilarious, I'm almost obligated to agree with JRose and encourage your random stories!!

    Now I have to search my entire place for mutant mice.

  3. JoD: Yay! I are funny! Well, the only reason I've kept YOU as a friend so long is you're totally hot, and I like looking at your boobies. :p

    I bet my intestines taste like candy!

    eleven's: Yay! Because, believe it or not, a ton of random shit happens around here. Not all of it Layla-related. No really. Glad you enjoyed it!

    And don't forget the first rule of mutant mice hunting. NEVER go alone. Which reminds me, there's some more to this story that I didn't tell. OH noes!

  4. write whatever you want, it's your blog! and we will love you anyway, no matter what...even if you kill least that's what my mom used to tell me! :P

  5. Ramdom is good. Gives you more scope to work with. I love reading about everyone else's demon kid but I don't always want to write about mine...though I think my little spawn, is purposely being good so that I have sod all to write about...git.

    Whatever you write about, will be both funny and entertaining! Otherwise, there's always the 'unfollow' button...JUST KIDDING, you know I love you!!!!


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