The "I want that, no I don't want that" trend. This is how it goes: Layla says she wants something, say...cereal. Then when I make it for her, she suddenly, and very firmly does not want it anymore.
Layla: "I want to eat!"
Me: " Awesome. What do you want to eat?"
Layla: "I don't want to eat!"
Me: "Ok then."
Layla: "I'm huunnngggrrryyy!"
Me: "Alright! What would you like?"
Layla: "I want chocolate cereal!"
Me: *takes chocolate cereal out of cabinet*
Layla: "Noooooooooo, I don't waaaannntttt thhaaaattttt!"
Me: "You said you did! OMG! So, what DO you want?"
Layla: "I want chocolate ceeerreeaaallll"
Me: *bangs head against cabinet repeatedly* *pours cereal*
Layla: "Noooooooooooo!" *whines and screams like I'm setting her on fire. Which isn't a BAD idea*
Me: "You're going to eat it, or I'm going to take all your teddy bears and build a bonfire with them!"
Layla: *wwwhiinnnneeesssss some more*
Me: *violently pours milk into cereal, slams it down on table and throws Layla in chair* Eat! For the love of jlksjdf*&%#( JESUS, eat!"
Layla: *pushes cereal away* "I don't WANNA EAT!"
Me: "You'll eat that cereal, or I'll dump it over your head and throw the bowl at you repeatedly! EAATTTT! NOOWWWWW!!!!"
Layla: *grumbles, throws me murderous glares, eats the fucking cereal*
Me: *overdoses on nerve pills*
So. Yeah. I think she finds some sadistic pleasure in doing this to me. And everyone else in the house. There have been times when she's actually had a horrible, violent temper tantrum because I MADE HER WHAT SHE FUCKING WANTED. Why?! She is the only child I know (so far) that actually has a tantrum when she gets what she wants.
It sort of happens likes this:
This trend will, inevitably, lead to me drooling and throwing myself against a wall repeatedly. All while screaming "But she WANTED it! Why wouldn't she eat it? WHY??!?!?! *screams hysterically*
Kind of like the "post trip madness" drawing, but with more drool and screaming.
At any rate, the teddy bear bonfire threat was an empty one, because she already started the teddy bear torture without me:
Well, on to plan B, I guess.
OMG, I think I love you...in a non-lesbian kind of way you understand...not saying you're not attractive...it's just that...oh I'm digressing as usual. The words to the pics are hilarious, I almost did pee myself...that's what you get for holding you're bladder for 5 hrs, I guess.
ReplyDeleteAwesome! Shake'n'Bake went through a similar episode recently. I'd just stare at her blankly after she said she no longer wanted the food, then I'd walk away. If she insisted then she was informed that she wouldn't be able to eat anything else, every again, if she didn't finish what I had originally given her.
ReplyDeleteO_o
Children.
lily: It's totally ok if you love me in a completely lesbian way. I won't mind. :p You shouldn't hold your pee for that long. Or any other bodily fluid. You may explode. O.O
ReplyDeletedysfunction: Yeah, you usually have to threaten them with starvation or bodily harm. And WHY do they do this? Probably because they can.
I am laughing so hard I am crying! I don't have children, but I work with them and, sadly iwantbutnowidon'twantitis is a common childhood affliction. Good luck!
ReplyDeletemy little *angel* does this exact thing and it makes me want to kill him! or sometimes he will have all of TWO bites then proceed to tell me he is done and full! AAARRRGGGHHH!!! i'm right there with ya gurl! i'm just going to revert back to MY babyhood and let him take care of himself AND me and see how HE likes it! hahahahahaha!!! (*maniacal laugh*)
ReplyDeleteMarci Jane: I once wanted to work with children, and then I had one. lol I haven't murdered her thus far, so maybe she'll make it to puberty. ;)
ReplyDeleteMe: Oh yeah. Layla does the same damn thing. She'll whine and complain that she wants something, then I make it for her and she nibbles on a bite and then goes off to wreak havoc. I don't know how I still have any hair or sanity left. Powerful drugs, I guess. :D
Your blogging skills are awesome. You have a real talent in your blogging. It flows really well, and its just hilarious to read! Keep it up, i know it must be great therapy for you to be able to write all of this out and share it with others (I know a lot of people understand exactly what you're going through!) You've inspired me to start another blog, I dont have kids but i have cats and I do want to throw them out the window on some days myself. I'm calling it 'stop meowing at me'. Thanks for being my muse! Looking forward to reading more.
ReplyDeleteJonos: I've been blogging, sort of, for about 10 years. I started on LiveJournal, and haven't really stopped since. And I've been writing for most of my life. I LOVE to write, and I love sharing my experiences with someone other than my fiance, who acts like he's bored and thinking he wishes I would just shut the fuck up, lol.
ReplyDeleteAnd thank you! I can't believe I was your muse. That's AWESOME. :D