I know you were worried. You WERE worried, right?

Hi! I'm not dead! *cheering ensues*

The reason for my long absence is twofold:

1. I'm poorer than shit and lost the internet at home. There's a reason why I'm poor, but if I start talking about that, I may have to go and murder something, set it on fire, and piss on its still smoking ashes. *ahem*

2. Life has been kicking the holy shit out of my ass. This is too depressing to talk about. Especially since this blog is all about teh funny. And stuff.

ANYWAY

Right now, I'm staying at my parental's house. So, I plan to make a post very soon. And it shall be awesome. (duh) And you'll laugh until you pee, shit, or spontaneously give birth. :D

Until then, I have absolutely no filler. I know I suck. You better love me anyway. OkGoodbye.

Lots of Filler

Hello. I am currently not at home. This means I don't have Photoshop to draw stupid pictures with. And MS Paint sucks a hairy ass. So, here's a few things to keep you occupied:

First, here is my dog, Gizmo, chasing the cursor:



Next, here are some old posts. You need to read them. Or I'll cut you.

Real Mom Dress Up. And then post them on the SASMA Facebook wall. I'm serious, man, I'll cut you. Or punch you in the taint. Whichever I'm in the mood for.

If Mom and Kid commercials told the truth 2.

Ah, Memories.

Are you reading this shit yet?

And one more:

This is why I have anger management issues. Also, I like ludicrously long titles.

My work here is done. You're welcome.

Special Superhero edition

Look! Standing over there! It's a zombie! It's a hobo! No! It's...WONDER MOM!!

Faster than projectile vomit! More powerful than a screaming offspring! Able to leap piles of shit and toys in a single bound!

The powers of Wonder Mom never cease!

Able to detect wrongdoing from 100 yards!

See out the back of her head!

Identify what the fuck that smell is!

She can clean the house, answer the phone, save her child from drowning in the toilet! All at the same time!

Can hear the slightest indication that her spawn is about to fuck some shit up!

With her tool belt of paper towels and Hammer of Reality, Wonder Mom can do ANYTHING!

Woooonnndddeeerrr Mooooommmm!!

Dance, monkey, dance!

So, Layla has this little "dance" she does whenever she's not getting her way. I have no idea why she does this, but it's fucking hilarious. And I decided to share it with you. You're welcome. And yes, that's me snorting in the background. The deep, manly voice belongs to my Big Burly Man-Beast (TM). Enjoy. :D



And yes, we were totally baiting her. And she fell for it. Mwhahahahaha!

Evil Filler

This is the face of evil, folks.

I've got a post in the works, but my brain is currently not functioning at normal speed, so here's a little distraction. You're welcome.

Now I'm going to go duct tape my child and throw her in the closet. She has spent this ENTIRE day irritating the holy fuck out of me. On purpose. She has screamed, scratched my arm repeatedly, hit me repeatedly with the shitty computer chair that is right next to me at this very moment. She has squealed, called my name repeatedly, only to ask me the SAME FUCKING QUESTION 209832094820398 TIMES. From the BATHROOM. (Mommy! Mommy! MOMMY! MOMMY! *now screaming* MOMMY!!!!!! Me: WHAT?!?! Her: What you doin? AND repeat. *bangs head repeatedly into wall*) And of course, she's played the game of the previous entry. Getting completely shit-faced is looking pretty inviting right about now.

Filler

I'll be making a post this evening. You can be assured that it will be fucking hilarious. Until then, here's a pic:





The doll deserved it.