Real Mom Dress Up!

Look!  Now you can dress up the Real Mom! OMG!

Now, I want to see your creations. So get her dressed by dragging and dropping the different clothing onto the Real Mom. Once you've gotten her all dressed, hold down alt and prt scr at the same time.  Then open up a photo editing program (Paint, Photoshop, etc.), make a new file, and paste your Real Mom into that file.

THEN upload your creations to the Sugar and Spice, My Ass facebook page!



Enjoy!

Thanks to: Stacie for hosting the file, and Jodee for all the patient assistance.

If mom and kid commercials told the truth 2

Continuing on the TV commercial moms vs Real moms thread, today I bring you:  What TV commercial moms look like vs What REAL mothers look like.  Moms on commercials all look so put together.  Their hair is brushed and styled.  They have on a cute, conservative sweater outfit. Their makeup is flawless.  They're actually wearing socks and/or shoes.  What a load of shit.  Unless you're the type of mother that lives in Suburban heaven, and thinks her children are angels of joy and rainbows, you're probably not going to look like you just stepped out of a JC Penney's catalog.  Sort of like this:



Real mothers, the kind that actually realize their children aren't little cherubs of butterflies and sunshine, who think June Cleaver was a simple-minded, subservient idiot, usually look like they've just stepped out of a Hobos R US catalog. At least I do. As we speak, this is my ensemble: A stained purple tank top, and maroon panties. That's it. And my hair is 7 degrees of fucked up, and my legs are so hairy, I could shave them and use the hair to knit a blanket . For example:



Real mothers usually don't give two fucks about what they look like as they change shitty diapers, and clean vomit off the walls.  My first priority is not my hairstyle when I'm elbow-deep in a sink full of two week old dishes, and Layla is in the next room screaming or trying to use our dog as transporation.  But can you imagine what commercials would be like if they featured the above image of a real mother?  Either people would think it was genius and buy the shit out of the product, or they'd start boycotting the product for scarring their target audience for life.

Now, I have to go wash the dishes, in my underwear.  Have a good day, my lovely readers.

Like it. You know you want to.

Hello. Just thought I'd let everyone know that Sugar and Spice, My Ass is now on Facebook!


Go there and Like the shit out of it! :D

**ETA:  The comments on the post below are now fixed, and anyone can comment again.  I got a little over zealous when changing settings and accidentally made it so no one could comment and tell me how awesome I am.  And that's just not right. :D So, feel free to comment to your heart's content.

If mom and kid commercials told the truth

We've all seen them. Those hideous, deceptive, sugary-sweet commercials where mothers are portrayed. Little Timmy makes a godawful mess? Smile and hand him a roll of ultra-obsorbent paper towels. The paper towels's absorbency should totally make up for the ant infestation that will result from Timmy doing a shitty job of cleaning up the mess. Sweet little Susie coughs and hacks all over her sister? Hand her a tissue and some disinfectant. Who knows? Maybe having the ebola virus is fun!

The reactions of these "mothers" is complete fucking bullshit. Unless those bitches are high, there is no way they would react the way they do. Any sane mother would throw a roll of paper towels at motor skill deficient Timmy and tell him to clean up the mess until he can see his face in the linoleum. Or until he starts college. Whichever. And if Layla hacked all over some other kid, first I'd make sure the kid wasn't a little asshole, and then if he wasn't, I'd tell her to stop being a disgusting pig, and pour cough syrup down her throat. Because that's what loving mothers do.

So, here is my version of how a REAL mother would react in these situations:

Made a godawful mess



Mom's reaction



Being a disgusting pig and coughing all over your sister



Mom's reaction



Now I have to go spill something all over the kitchen floor and make Layla clean it up, and then cough in her face. Have a good afternoon, folks.

And no, I wouldn't actually hit my kid in the face with a hammer. Unless she really deserved it, and then I might consider it. :p


**ETA:  If you have a commercial that just irritates the holy fuck out of you, and you'd like an illustration of the REAL version of that commercial, send me an email at sugarandspicemyass @ gmail . com (without the spaces, of course), with a link to a video of that commercial, and a description of what you'd like portrayed in the illustration. Or you can just leave it up to my creative genius.  Whichever you prefer.

Oooh! Shiny! AGAIN (damn it)

So, blogger did maintenance last night. And now the last post I made about the new, sparkly banner was deleted. Thanks Blogger! (fucking assholes) So here's a brand new version of that post.

As you may have noticed, the blog has a new, sparkly banner! Yay! You should totally comment and tell me how awesome it is. Or how you're astounded by my creative abilities. Or how you want to have, like, 10,000,000 of my babies. Whatever. I'd like to customize other things on the blog, but my patience has run out for the day. To customize anything on blogger you have to give a pint of blood, sacrifice a virgin, chant for 20 minutes, and stand naked in a field covered in peanut butter under a full moon. Jesus.

Hopefully I'll have a new post to go under the new banner in a few days. My brain is currently not cooperating with me, and my artistic abilities have gone retarded. So, please be patient and don't start leaving me in droves. I promise there shall be a new post very soon.

And tell your motherfucking friends about my blog. I need more followers to feed my ego. :D

Beheaded Filler

I have stuff to do today, like cook dinner, vacuum, solve world hunger, cure cancer, play with my kid. Ya know, all that domestic shit. So, here's a pic to keep you occupied:



I'm not sure what her deal is with ripping the head off her dolls. Maybe they did her a very grave personal wrong. Or maybe she's just evil and sadistic. Naaah.

Have a good afternoon, folks.

Happy Mother's Day!

Today, as most of you should know (unless you're awful and don't love your mother, or your mother is a raging hosebeast) is Mother's Day.  Today we buy cheap flowers for our mom, or a sappy card, or a steak dinner at Logans. But, for those of us with small demon spawn children, we receive homemade cards.  So, without further ado, I bring you...

Sugar and Spice, My Ass MOTHER'S DAY CARDS! *applause ensues*









And for those of you who just HAVE to be different, here's a normal one:



So, to all my fellow mothers out there: